If you are a mom – take some of your spare time (ha! spare time – what is that?) and read this book. I’ll be sending a link for the official review I did for another site, but just wanted to post this quote.
31Days (Day 3): Frumpy Motherhood
“Frumpy is not a fashion statement…” – Jodi Bryson, MomLogic
Note: This blog does not apply in the same way to every woman. Maybe, if you are married, as what your husband likes and doesn’t like you to wear – and try to please him in that simple way. If you are running around with toddlers all day, you won’t wear dresses. I get that. Feminine is of course more than outward appearance, that is why I put the 1 Peter verse.
In more than one way has my husband had a positive impact on my life. As we come up on our two year anniversary (more on that next week), I’ve seen some changes in me because of him. One of them is: I don’t wear t-shirts anymore. Yes, ok – I’ve still got some and I’d like to pair that down’ to 8 – only to wear them to work out in when he isn’t around. He doesn’t usually say much about what I can and can’t wear. His only stipulations is that it is modest and not a t-shirt (you know the kind you get for a youth outing, camp staff, church bowling leagues, or running 5k races). He declares them to be mostly unfeminine (on me) and looking better on guys than not. The only reason I keep them around is for cleaning the house (hard scrubbing days) and working out – when he is not around. I can’t seem to pull myself or our budget to buy Lululemon workout wear (though I would love to have some).
As I near the end of my second pregnancy in as many years, I look so forward to getting out of maternity clothes and getting to wear the clothes that normally hang in my closet. Most of my maternity clothes have been given to me, which has been very gracious – but only a handful of them do I love and that included 2-3 things that I’ve actually bought. I don’t foresee some of my frumpy wear coming back into my wardrobe anytime soon (unless its the occasional hoodie just around the house).
I was talking with a friend yesterday and she asked me what some favorites are in my closet since I don’t tend to go trendy – I said classics. Like Ann Taylor A-line skirts that you can “Trend up” with a different shirt, shoes, and accessories (which I love). Or just a simple pair of jeans that you can also wear with new flats, booties, or a long cardigan and/or eternity scarf and it would be perfect for this fall. I look forward to when my feet get back to normal size so I can wear my black booties that I bought the year the Mister and I met. I look forward to being able to wear my fave jewelry set: my wedding rings.
I’m definitely not saying you have to break the bank for new clothes every season or dress to the hilt to take care of toddlers. But…
“Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.” – 1 Peter 3:3-4
That doesn’t mean you have to forgo style and fashion all together. Not as a woman, a wife, or a mom.
Here are some blogs I read for style:
JessLC
Lauren Elizabeth
With each of these, I take what I see, make it my own (and modest), and go from there. And we don’t have a lot of money to spend on clothes, so I love good sales. Believe me, most of your husbands would like to see their wives with their hair done, makeup on, and clothes other than moomoos and yoga pants (which are two staples for me around the house when pregnant). Bring on the non-maternity clothes!
Competition Doesn’t Belong in Motherhood or the Gospel
Motherhood is a crazy race that many of us women run daily – with the bottles, diapers, car-pooling, homeschooling (if that’s your thing), soccer practice, ballet, etc. It is so easy for us to compare our lives with others and realize we either are better or that we don’t quite measure up. Here is a little bit of what I’m reading, listening to, and learning about this dangerous cycle.
I was reading this morning in Glimpses of Grace by Gloria Furman. My husband later asked me what I read in it that was encouraging me. I had to struggle not to compare myself with others or be sarcastic (which he appreciated) and I told him about these two dangers she points out:
1. I’m a terrible housewife (pg 31). Those days when I’m giving in to laziness, playing too many candy crush saga games, or right now when I have more legitimate excuses like contractions or exhaustion from being three weeks from my due date, I usually complain like this when the Mister arrives home: “I didn’t get this done. But, someone else would have had a 4 course meal on the table, all the laundry done, and the kids dressed in new outfits.” Or it would be something like, “Love, I’ve been exhausted all day – only one load of laundry got done.” My tendency is to compare myself with others when I want to hide my own sinful habits and ask for sympathy instead.
2. I’m an amazing housewife (pg 32). Honestly, I don’t fall into this category that much right now. Because I don’t have it down. I think this tendency will come when I lose this baby weight (from two back to back babies), have perfect stylish clothes on, have my schedule down, don’t cry very much, hormones are back to normal, and cook healthy foods for myself and others. But, I know so many others who do have this tendency. One of the ways I do see myself doing this is Sunday after Sunday I don’t ever see Little Mister’s nursery number put up on the screen. I seem to take pride in the fact that he is such a good toddler in the nursery.
Both of them are pride – and both have them need to be put to death by the blood of Jesus on the cross.
And here is where we fall short: not only do we compare ourselves with other moms, but we also compare ourselves in our place in the gospel story. That is how the connection came to me this morning. We often look at our lives and our homes/jobs/ministries and compare them with others and see that we don’t struggle with sin near as much as ______ does.
As I was driving to a park to walk this morning with Little Buddy, I replayed my friend Daniel Renstrom’s Amazing Love (on Jesus Wants My Heart, a stellar family worship album). Such a conviction of sin:
No condemnation now I dread
Jesus and all in Him is mine
Alive in Him, my living head
And clothed in righteousness divine
Bold I approach the eternal throne
And claim the crown through Christ my own
No matter the size of the crown that is mine when I get to heaven – it won’t be because of anything I’ve done. It will be because of the amazing love with Christ lavished on me. I didn’t (and still don’t) deserve anything of his merit or grace. He is gracious to me beyond anything I could ever do to deserve his love. I am in the same boat with all the people that I compare myself to.
As part of Mister’s prayer this morning as we started our day was a sweet sentiment of the love that Little Buddy will have for me as he gets older – that he won’t compare me with other moms, etc. I love that sentiment, but know that it is somewhat unrealistic. I compared my mom to other moms all the time – not that it was fair or right, but that’s what my sinful heart did. I pray that I can be the Mom that not only my two little buddy’s need – but one that will find my only boast in the Gospel of Jesus.
Struggles of Life’s Calling: Part 3
I really think this will be the last one of this series (some of you might be glad). I hope this series has been helpful.
Let me clarify a few things that were pointed out to me by talking with my husband and then turn our eyes to the point of this part 3.
We are all created differently and uniquely. We all have different gifts, talents, and callings. We all should use those to God’s glory. I know many women who have only longed to be a wife and a mother from the time they could hold a baby doll. Some of them are dear friends and struggle with a period of singleness because they just want to fulfill these desires. If that is you – praise God. I pray that He either has given you your heart’s desire or will fulfill it soon.
I know some other women who may have gotten married later (or right out of high school/college) who have other plans and desires other than to be a wife and a mother. But, along the way, that woman gets married and its the best thing that has happened to her. Then she must figure out a way to make that calling (a wife and maybe a mom one day) a priority in her life without hopefully dying to everything else. I fit into that category.
Since we all fit somewhere in either of those categories – I trust that we can all believe the best from each other and not try to force the other life on every woman. Encourage them women in your life to live every minute of their days to God’s glory – not their own. It will look different for each woman.
Here is the main point of this post: when I struggle – how do I find hope in the gospel? My husband and I have many conversations about how Christ is found at the center of the Word – so how is Christ found at the center of my life and my struggles. I am very thankful for the psalmists. These psalms were read aloud to the people of God as part of their worship services. They weren’t just read to one person. I’m so glad the God-breathed book tells us of the struggles that even “a man after God’s own heart” faced at times. What did he do? He wrote those down as God commanded him to. He let his struggles be known. He wasn’t looking for validation for those strggules or wanting to be told that he was ok in those struggles. He may have just wanted a listening ear or someone to say “I’ve been there too”. But, then at the end of it, maybe even days later when the psalmist was able to hear it and receive it – say God is here. He is bigger. The psalmists weren’t perfect – just like we aren’t perfect. I believe that we can share life with others and share our struggles and hopefully in doing so come back to the gospel.
It is hard to hear from “perfect” people. You don’t think you have anything in common. But, those people that say, “I have a hard time submitting, or I want something more out of this life, or raising my kids is tough at times” – then turn it back to say God is good in it and He will be there every minute to sustain you – those are the people I want to hear from. God doesn’t require perfection from us – because He knew we could never fulfill it. That is why He sent Jesus.
Jesus even struggled with the cross. He said take this cup from me – but not my will but yours. Obedience came even from great struggle and distress. He was a perfect High Priest who is able to understand our struggles and empathize with us. He endured.
So can we. Endure well – even in the struggles. Don’t be afraid to share those struggles – and to point people to the hope of the Gospel.
A Mother’s Prayer – Kristyn Getty
This is one section of Kristyn’s prayers as she journeyed in her role as a mother:
“In the spring of 2008 I first prayed for a baby, and in the spring of 2011 God answered
that prayer with the birth of our beautiful daughter. My joy was full but so were the fears
I wrestled. In some ways I felt like a baby Christian again, caught in a whirlwind of
emotions, learning and applying what I have known and trusted into a completely new
life – I know I’m definitely not the first to feel that!”
Many songs came along before I became a mother, but this Mother’s Day is different for me as I’ve had almost 8 months to hold my little boy in my arms and give him multiple kisses each day (as well as change multiple diapers, get spit up on, listening to him laugh and cry and scream). As I’ve listened to the song of prayer by Kristyn Getty on their new album, I’ve heard another Mum’s love for her little one.
The prayer life of a mother never ceases. Sometimes my prayers are: Lord, is he still breathing – when he has slept for 12 hours and isn’t awake and crying for food. It is sometimes, Lord, give me patience today with him to have him for 14 hours without his daddy (at work and after work long meetings).
Kristyn takes her prayers in this song a little more on the long-term route, but one prayer that is very near and dear to my heart: we both want to see our children follow Christ and live wholeheartedly for Him. Whether its Kristyn’s little jewel, or my squirmy little bright blue-eyed boy, or the little #2 that is growing in my belly – our prayers are the same. Lord, may they love and follow you.
Since the Getty’s song has recently come out – they are offering some more personal insights into the song and also freebies for you (and other mothers in your life) this Mother’s Day:
If you want to send your mother or another mother a Mom’s Day card – here you go for a special one you can send
Prayers for Our Children
This past week I did a lot of driving as I was back and forth the length of I-4 in Florida. This provided me time to listen to Z88. I was listening to a Mark Schultz song and after sobbing, swo=iping tears, trying not to wreck due to my blurred vision through tears, I prayed aloud these three things for my son who was in the back seat.
1. I want him to know and love God.
As I read, pray through, and study Psalm 119 this year, I am seeing a lot of cohesiveness between knowing the truths of God and trusting them and being blessed by them. In John’s gospel, Jesus says that His sheep know His voice and elsewhere in Scripture God says that if we love God we will obey His commands (and we have to know them to obey them). I don’t really knnnowhich comes first: the knowing or the loving. Either way, we would not seek to know this love or know the Lover if the Lover had not first loved us. All of this life and a relationship with Him is because of grace. We know HIm because He has revealed Himself to us (Psalm 19, Gen 1, Rom 1, Rom 8). We love Him because He first loved us (1 John 1) We, as sinners, do not freely choose to love. But, I pray, that God in His foreknowledge, has predestined my Son to be His (Eph 1). Mister and I will raise our son (and any future children we might have if the Lord wills) in light of this (Prov 22.6, Deut 6). But, in the grand scheme of things, God has made the decision and knows if our son is one of His. We will see in time if Little Mister desires the things of God and runs hard after Jesus – knowing and loving Him.
2. I want him to love and be loved.
I want Little Buddy to know what it means to be loved and to love deeply. Is there pain in doing that? Yes! But you see and experience the world in a much brighter and better way when you know you are loved unconditionally and you are able to love to your fullest measure with one person. Do I know if it is in God’s plans for the LB to be married one day and have children of his own? No. But, again, we trust in God’s perfect plan and we will strive to raise him in such a manner that he will make a great husband and father one day. And if he is never married, then those traits will be good of a man of God!
3. I want him to see and change the world!
One of the bestEST aspects of my time being single (the other one is discipling many girls and living life with them) was the fact that I got to travel a TON! I was usually travling on my day off, weekends, or weeks or mission trips. I loved the freedom God allowed me so much time being single so I could see more of the world He created. That is one thing that the Mister and I love doing together – traveling. It started in our courtship and continued to our honeymoon (a two week, two country road trip) and continues now. I want LB to love to be in the car, plane, or train or boat or rikshaw or what have you! I want him to see God’s beauty in the Rockies or in Alaska or in Thailand or in Mexico or in NYC or in PEI or in China or in South America or in South Africa. I want him to know the beauty of sunsets and sunrices on every continent and in many different time zones. I want him to see the waves from every ocean that is on the face of the earth. I want him to go in search of wonder and explore all that God has created. I want him to go and learn to love cultures of every kind and see the beauty and diversity that God has filled this earth – and that seeing those sites would cause him to yearn for heaven. I want him to desire the nations for the glory of God.
What are your prayers for your children?
Yawns, Tubes, and Squishy Cheeks: Lessons in Motherhood #1
I will write a post all about the birth of our firstborn son, Elijah Levring, and thoughts about his name and what he has meant to us so far, but that will come soon. Right now, I want to think through some early lessons I have learned in motherhood:
1. I am not in control. No matter what I tried to bring on contractions (and believe me, we tried almost everything), we delivered at 40.6 wks. That was really long. I think I had been done for at least 4 weeks. But, God knew when I was done and I kept telling myself that He would not give me anything which I could not handle with Him. Then I couldn’t control the tub I had. The nurse filled it so full that when I got in, we had about 4 inches on the bathroom floor. It was like a tidal wave of water. I can’t control the weight I lose (or don’t lose). Elijah was 9.06 lbs and I lost just that much and now have gained some back – maybe I should just stay off the scale. My husband would love that! I can’t control the lights on Duke Street. Since we are having to make trips to Duke UMC every day we travel Duke Street a lot – and we always hit the lights. I can’t control his platelet levels (which is why he is in ICN).
2. Prayer is my heart language at 2am. Who else is up with me? A friend gave me Psalm 121 and that is so true. I pray when I am holding him tight and he has all the cords hooked to him. I pray as I’m singing to him. I pray as I’m writing in his journal about what kind of man I want him to grow to be. E and I pray as we are going to bed, clearly exhausted, and just sometimes mumbling our prayers – thankful that our God hears even when we don’t make sense due to exhaustion and sleep-deprivation!
3. I need to extend myself grace. I started crying this morning when the only shirt that fit that would also be good for breastfeeding was a maternity shirt. I was upset at myself when I turned off the alarm at 2am which I had set so I could pump him some milk. i just rolled over and finally got up at 6am. I was frustrated this morning when Eli wouldn’t eat very well, but ate like a champ yesterday. I needed to extend myself grace when I finally gave in to stadol and an epidural 7 cm into delivery. I need to extend myself grace! My husband extends me much of it, but I need to as well.
Thankful for all these lessons I am learning.
The Inward War of Waiting
(This was my journal article selected for publication in the Journal of Family Ministry Spring/Summer 2012 published by The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary).
Note: I was given this topic to write in early December 2011. It was on the period between marriage and motherhood. Little did I know that the very next month I would find out I was pregnant. Maybe that will give you some insight into this journal article.)
There is a war constantly raging inside us. Paul shares this truth with the believers in Rome (1), and I share the same truth with you, from my experience of being a new wife living in the waiting period before motherhood. The two opponents in this war are anxiety and rest. Both of them contended within me even before I got married. I remember from the time I was a teenager pondering over the questions: Will I find “Mr. Right”? What will my dress look like? Where will I go on my honeymoon?
Once I did get married, long after I started asking these questions, similar questions continued in their persistence: Will we have children? When will we have children? Is our house or my husband’s salary big enough to sustain our lifestyle with children? What if we have trouble conceiving? Will we be infertile?
One might think these questions would stop as I prepare to enter motherhood, but they do not: Will I carry my baby to term? Will the baby be healthy? What are we going to name the baby? Will he or she ever come to know Christ? These questions constantly repeat themselves.
God, however, has provided the answer to all these questions: rest. The importance of rest is taught throughout Scripture, starting in Genesis when God rested after completing his creation work (21-3) The psalmist says to be still and know that He is God. Our rest is rooted in God’s care for us and his sovereign control over our lives. The command “do not fear” occurs frequently in the Bible (e.g., Gen 15:1; Num 14:9; Deut 1:21; Mat 10:31; 1 Pet 3:14; Rev 2:10). Paul exhorts the Philippian believers to rest in the peace of Christ and do not be anxious about anything. The circumstances we find ourselves in do not need to control us. God has bought rest and comfort for us by sending his Son Christ to pay our full penalty. If he died and rose again, then he also can take care of every situation we face on any given day. We rest by letting God be in control. The following are a few of the Scriptures that are most helpful to me when I cry to my husband and share with him these questions:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
“For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor.” “Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and God our Father, who loved us, and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word.”
The 16th Century Heidelberg Catechism begins with a word that is applicable to this struggle between anxiety and rest:
Q1: What is your only comfort in life and in death? A: That I am not my own, but belong – body and soul, in life and in death – to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with His precious blood, and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven: in fact, all things must work together for my salvation. Because I belong to Him, Christ, by His Holy Spirit, assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for Him. (2)
When my husband shared that with me, I initially mocked him saying, “And that’s supposed to help?” However, I have found that these truths not only apply when facing motherhood and the potential anxieties that accompany it, but they also can stand up against any anxiety we may have. When I know I am prone to anxiety, I can trust the Scripture will assure me that my comfort comes from Christ. When I wonder if I’ll be a good mother, the Spirit residing in me gives me strength to rest. When I fear that the baby I carry will die or be unhealthy, I think to this catechism and know that all things work together for my salvation. I knew then that these were the truths that I need to always cling to in moments of anxiety – to trust the Lord, and witness His victory in my rest.
1 See Galatians 5:1-25 for Paul’s discussion of the inner battle between flesh and spirit.
2 Kevin DeYoung, The Good News We Almost Forgot: Rediscovering the Gospel in a 16th Century Catechism (Chicago: Moody, 2010), 20.
Photo Credit: Moments Under the Sun Photography