* Please don’t hate me because of this post. I weep with those who weep during miscarriages or infertility. Ask my husband, this is something always on my mind.
* I am excited to be pregnant and know that having a baby will be a life-changing experience that God has granted for my good and holiness and His glory. I look forward to being a mom.
There are different situations in life that illuminate familiar passages of Scripture. Being pregnant is one of them. Genesis 3 is a familiar passage to most who will read this blog. After the sin of Adam and Eve, God gives out punishment or tells all involved what will be the ramifications of them not following God’s laws that He gave them. For the woman, it was to be pain in childbearing.
“To the woman He said, I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children.” – Genesis 3:16a
I don’t know what God exactly meant by this statement, but I’m sure He saw the future of epidurals and different birthing techniques. And He even saw through time (because He is God) and sees my struggle with being pregnant. I know some women who absolutely love being pregnant. They would be pregnant all the time because it agrees with them: not much weight gain, no morning sickness, no tiredness. That is not me.
Here is the timeline for me:
1. Since before we even found out, I was extremely more tired than I was before I was pregnant. Even last night (I’m halfway through week 16 today) I couldn’t even get through watching a whole movie (Moneyball with Brad Pitt – good movie) with my hubs before falling asleep on the couch. I was so exhausted. And it wasn’t even 9pm when it was over. I am tired most of the time.
2. Weight Gain. This honestly is the biggest problem for me and I know God is working all things for my good. I had already gained weight since moving back to NC in 2010, but then I had a lost a bit before Christmas. Excited I mapped out a chart for the year to get back in shape and lose the post-NC/writer weight. That didn’t happen. And with my pregnancy, I need to keep food in my tummy to keep from being nauseous. That doesn’t do well for the scale. I can’t even do anything about it right now. It makes me sad to know I won’t be one of those moms that wore their regular pants till they were like 8 months pregnant and got back in their skinny jeans less than a month after giving birth. That won’t be me either. I can choose healthier foods (but sometimes I want pizza) and I can exercise (see #1). My husband has finally said I have to quit saying I’m fat. I’m working on that.
3. I dislike throwing up. Ok – so thankfully its been almost two weeks since throwing up, but that doesn’t mean I’ve not taken Zofran to help me not feel that way, and I’ve eaten something every 2 hours about (except while asleep) to keep that feeling at bay. But, really, it is no fun.
4. Back pain and stomach pain. I already have back issues and thankfully have a wonderful chiropractor that has made life better the last decade. But, there is constant dull pain. Like that helps with exercising. I know walking and working out does me well, see #1, and note that I do do this walking and exercising when I can. And usually, for menstrual cramps, I can take Aleve. Well, for pregnancy pain, you can’t take Aleve (not good for the baby) so I’m just “dealing with it”.
5. Emotionalness: Wow, poor hubs. I haven’t cried this much – EVER! I try not to be one of those women that blame their anger and irritability on “that time of the month” because even though I know hormones are different that gives me no reason to be snide and snippity and angry and fill-in-the-blank. There is no excuse for sin. We must take every thought captive. This is really tough. Maybe I’ll quit crying about everything sooner or later!
6. Faith. This is a tough part as well. Before our first ultrasound in February, all I did was stress that I would lose the baby. I couldn’t even really get excited about being pregnant. I wouldn’t allow myself that. Then since then I’ve wondered about how our baby will be: with some tests we have coming up. I know that God is good and does all things good. And every good gift and perfect gift is from above and I know that all children are a blessing from the Lord. And I know when I have to start timing the baby’s kicks in utero, I’ll be nervous if I go for a bit without feeling baby campbell move. I can’t see my baby. I can see my expanding tummy (its not all fat), and can see the ultrasound and hear the heartbeat, but all else is faith – and every moment in between those doctors appointments are faith too.
So, while I am excited about the result of this pregnancy (and nervous too – I don’t know how to be a mom), it has been tough. Thankful for the women around me who are an encouragement and thankful for a husband who always points me to Christ. I do not know how single moms do it – my husband is my biggest cheerleader – and will be there and cheering me on with out without an epidural!
And even with Eve’s sin in the garden, all of mankind’s sin (including mine), and all the pain in childbirth and raising a child, God has provided a way for us: Jesus. The Gospel is the answer to all of our sin. He is the answer for the curse of the sin. As it says in just the verse before:
“I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.” (Genesis 3:15 ESV)
Praising God for the gospel and a chance to bear a son or a daughter that will hopefully come to know Jesus and be a Song for the Nations:
|May we be a shining light to the nations A shining light to the peoples of the earth Till the whole world sees the glory of Your name May Your pure light shine through usMay we bring a word of hope to thenations A word of life to the peoples of the earth Till the whole world knows there’s salvation through Your name May Your mercy flow through us
May we be a healing balm to the nations A healing balm to the peoples of the earth Till the whole world knows the power of Your name May Your healing flow through us
May we sing a song of joy to the nations A song of praise to the peoples of the earth Till the whole world rings with the praises of Your name May Your song be sung through us
|May Your kingdom come to the nations Your will be done in the peoples of the earth Till the whole world knows that Jesus Christ is Lord May Your kingdom come in us May Your kingdom come in us May Your kingdom come on earth|
I will offer you a bit of positivity on all of the testing, from one planner to another. See each test as an opportunity to get more data or learn more about your child so if there is anything to be concerned about, you can pray about it and learn about it before the birth, allowing you only the joy of welcoming a little person into your world. Think of each test as a gift from God to help rest your weary mind about things. As an alumna of multiple/many/all/obscure pre-natal testing and an extreme planner, I can tell you with certainty that the tests only made my load lighter. I was able to target my study and prayer. Rest Easy. It will all come out as planned, by Him.
God is good in all He does!
So sorry you are going through all this. I will tell you that I have seen three childbirths, and I can tell you that every time, the mother always says, “it was so worth it!” I know I am not a mother, and not sure what this is like..but I know that God is doing a good work even in this time. Praying for you! I do appreciate your honesty and know that I will remember it one day when I am in your shoes. 🙂
Selena – thank you! I hope you are well. God is very good and will bring His glory out from all of this!
Kim, I struggle with the faith thing a lot too. On the bright side, it has done WONDERS for my prayer life. 🙂
Oh, yes and marriage has too Sharon!