You would think that a long (11+ hours) night of sleep would help with my emotionalness in the morning, but not today. And by the time I finished my bowl of peaches and cream oatmeal, there were tears flowing into it.
Tears – why tears? After thinking about it, I chalk up to sin and the flesh and trying to outdo the gospel. Two sins that reigned supreme in my life as a single was independence and control. I was the only person really calling shots in my life so I controlled my scheduled, my checkbook, my evenings. It was rather nice. But, it didn’t help me as I prepared to be married.
Now that I am married and definitely not in control of much (and I am so glad I don’t have to be and that is not the role that God created me for), I find there are still times I struggle with wanting to fix everything. Funny – that is usually the male role in the relationship – being the fixer. No, but I strive for it.
And I realize, on mornings like this, that when I strive to fix things that are clearly out of my control or realm of responsibility as the wife in this marriage, I have shortchanged the gospel and made myself God. This is definitely not the place I need to be.
When we put ourselves as the fixers or try to usurp our roles, we say that we don’t need God or the gospel. God has the supreme control and authority in our lives. He is the reigning King. And not just over the things that we “give” him – but over everything. Sometimes, most of the time, we have to pry our grimy and greedy little fingers off of God’s possessions. They are not ours.
When we come to know more of our weakness and more of His greatness (John 3:30), then we will come to live in right relationship to the gospel and our famous God. We won’t want to be in control of everything and we will be ok when we can’t fix everything in our lives – or anyone else’s.
And that’s the perfect place to be.
I needed this reminder very much. Sometimes my tears come from the fact that I am not in control and I hate it. Other times it’s because I’m not in control and I’m thankful. Either way, I spend a lot of time in tears over the control issue.
Also, now that I have caught up on blog reading, I’m slightly less confused by the “gospel, tears, and oatmeal bekah mason” query on my blog this morning. 🙂