10 Jun 2013

Opinions are Overrated

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Friends of mine have a rule to not speak to each other before a certain time in the morning – mainly because I think they aren’t morning people (at least they have learned these things in their marriage). That is somewhat anecdotal – but how many times do our tongues get us into trouble.

My trouble?  Always (or a lot of the time) speaking what I think.  Sharing my opinion.  As of this morning, I think that opinions are overrated.  (Didn’t I just share an opinion – I’ve got a long road to recovery!)

Here is why and some guidelines as to whether you should share your opinion or not:

1.  Eph 4.29: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”  I won’t even give examples, but use your brain and heart to answer these questions about your opinions that you so are ready to share: 1.  Is it corrupting?  2.  Will it build up every hearer?  3.  Does it fit the occasion?  4.  Will it give grace?

2.  Deut 30: 14, 19-20a: “But the word is very near you.  It is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can do it.  I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and, blessing and curse.  Therefore, choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him.”  Again – no examples, just questions: 1.  Is what you are about to say a biblically based opinion (of course I’m not talking about mundane things like choosing a restaurant).  2.  Will it bring blessing or cursing?  3.  Are you being obedient to the Lord in sharing or even having that said opinion?

3.  Proverbs 21:2, 23: “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.  Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.”  1.  Would the Lord agree with your opinion you are about to share (meaning what is in  your heart and why are you sharing it)?  2.  What is your heart motivation in sharing your opinion or being heard (often for me it is because of pride and I think I’m right)?  3  Do you daily practice “keeping your tongue”?

After some previous conversations and looking more in depth at these verses and asking these questions – I may do a lot less talking and a lot more listening.

27 May 2013

Freedom – or the lack thereof

by | posted in: ethics, history, Quotes, Uncategorized | 0

“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” – Ben Franklin

I love living in America.  Despite the problems with government that I may or may not agree with, this is still the best country to live in.  There are many who have paid the price for it to be this way and I am grateful.

My two thoughts on this Memorial Day 2013:

1.  Now that I’m a mom, I think one of the scariest things for me would be if little e came up to us one day and sad he wanted to be in the service.  Scary because I never would know if he was going to be called into war or die somehow where I would only receive a flag and a salute in honor of him.  Where I wouldn’t know if he was ever going to be at the next Christmas dinner or family gathering.  Then the best because it would be such an honorable thing for him to do – to fight in serving this country, sustaining the freedom that we enjoy for generations to come – his children, their children.

2.  Since we live in a democracy and not a theocracy – that freedom, as an American, has to apply to all peoples.  Of all religions.  Of all nationalities.  If people from any country are here legally – then they should be offered the same rights and status and freedoms as we enjoy as natural born citizens.  And if anyone else wants to practice their religion, worshipping their gods, then that must be allowed too.  So, if we are in favor of bringing prayers back in our classrooms, than others will need to have the liberty to pray to their gods – or not pray at all.  Freedom in America is not only for Christians, but also for everyone.

Are we willing to live out our faith in the One True God and let others practice their beliefs – all the while praying for them and telling them the truth that will save?

15 May 2013

Far More Abundantly

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Do we pray often (or ever) we this phrase in mind?  Is our faith and our prayer life lacking?

I wanna make this post biblically accurate and not venture into the land of name it and claim it – poor theology that leads us to believe that God is a bank lender or santa clause or the easter bunny or even the tooth fairy.  God is the Sovereign Giver of all things to us for our good and His glory.  We need to take from his hand both blessing and trial (look at Job and Joseph).  But, how can we incorporate this type of praying into our prayer life?

Far More Abundantly…this phrase comes from Ephesians 3:20-21 – let me start a few verses earlier and walk us through it – since proof texting is not a fundamental way to understand Scripture.

Eph 3:14-21

The main point of this passage is that Paul is asking on behalf of the saints of the church at Ephesus that they would be filled with the power, love, and fullness of God through faith in the One (Christ) who worked for them and the power of the one who lives in them (the Spirit).  He wants us to dwell every day in ALL the fullness of God.  Do you or I live that way every day?  I’ll speak for myself – I don’t.  Sin.  Yup – that’s the answer to all that ails us.  Sin: pride, weak faith, laziness, unrepentant heart, those are some sins that keep me from knowing the fullness of God dwelling in me.

Then Paul goes on to confirm with the church at Ephesus that God is so big He can do (according to His plans – See other parts of Scripture) far more abundantly than anything we ask for – FOR HIS GLORY.  We may think we are asking big prayers – but are we really?

1.  Do we ask God for a ministry but really doubt in the back of our minds that He can grant us that?

2.  Do we ask God to save loved ones and bring them to Himself – but then give up when we don’t see that happen in the first week of our praying.

3.  Do we ask God for healing for ourselves or others and then faint at the weariness of the burden of praying endless prayers when the illness continues, the baby dies, the womb stays empty.

4.  Do we fail at continued prayer when there are financial troubles and we see no way out but blame shifting and going deeper in debt.

5.  Do we pray for husbands or wives that we don’t have yet and grumble to the God when our ring finger remains empty for one more holiday, New Years, or someone else’s wedding shower.

Last year during the month of May, I started praying this passage of Scripture for my husband in a situation we were facing.  During that same month He began answering that prayer.  And even when times are hard because of that answer to prayer – I must remember that our God can do FAR MORE ABUNDANTLY than we can ever ask or imagine – ALL FOR HIS GLORY.

And when we pray like this we must be ready TO ACCEPT HIS ANSWER – not our answer.  His answer may look completely different than ours – but are we willing to lay aside what we thought would be the way God would work and live fully in His answer.

Another study I’m working through is going through Psalm 119 verse by verse, many of them have to do with the Word of God and its truth in our lives.  But, what is the basic idea of the Psalms in general – the writer’s crying out to God.  Do you cry out to God with a hope and a knowledge that He will answer.  Do you wait in unhindered anticipation that He will answer – and He will answer in such a way that will be FAR MORE ABUNDANTLY than we could ever ask or imagine?

All (his answer is always for this reason) for His glory for now and forever.

Pray on.  Live in Faith.  Dwell in Fullness.

5 May 2013

A Mother’s Prayer – Kristyn Getty

by | posted in: mothering, Uncategorized, Women | 0

Kristyn_Getty This is one section of Kristyn’s prayers as she journeyed in her role as a mother:

“In the spring of 2008 I first prayed for a baby, and in the spring of 2011 God answered
that prayer with the birth of our beautiful daughter. My joy was full but so were the fears
I wrestled. In some ways I felt like a baby Christian again, caught in a whirlwind of
emotions, learning and applying what I have known and trusted into a completely new
life – I know I’m definitely not the first to feel that!”

Many songs came along before I became a mother, but this Mother’s Day is different for me as I’ve had almost 8 months to hold my little boy in my arms and give him multiple kisses each day (as well as change multiple diapers, get spit up on, listening to him laugh and cry and scream).  As I’ve listened to the song of prayer by Kristyn Getty on their new album, I’ve heard another Mum’s love for her little one.

The prayer life of a mother never ceases.  Sometimes my prayers are: Lord, is he still breathing – when he has slept for 12 hours and isn’t awake and crying for food.  It is sometimes, Lord, give me patience today with him to have him for 14 hours without his daddy (at work and after work long meetings).

Kristyn takes her prayers in this song a little more on the long-term route, but one prayer that is very near and dear to my heart: we both want to see our children follow Christ and live wholeheartedly for Him.  Whether its Kristyn’s little jewel, or my squirmy little bright blue-eyed boy, or the little #2 that is growing in my belly – our prayers are the same.  Lord, may they love and follow you.

Since the Getty’s song has recently come out – they are offering some more personal insights into the song and also freebies for you (and other mothers in your life) this Mother’s Day:

If you want to send your mother or another mother a Mom’s Day card – here you go for a special one you can send

 

23 Apr 2013

Family Ministry Today: Meals and Media

by | posted in: life together, parenting, restaurants, Uncategorized | 2

Meal time has often been considered one of the most needful times when connecting with your family.  Whether you eat at home at the table, in the living room, in the car, or at a restaurant, meal time is important.  You can make it either meaningful or literally a waste of time (except for filling bellies).  What are some issues concerning meal times and what can we as parents do?

1.  Media.  Mostly I mean television – and I’ll start with home.  Rarely do my husband and I eat in front of the television.  I can probably count on one hand the times we’ve done that in 19 months of marriage.  But, growing up we did that more times than we didn’t.  It was acceptable and counted on to eat while watching a Mets game, the news, or sitcoms.  Television watching at home provides a means to have no conversation and to also not think about what you are eating.

2.  Social Media or Telephones.  I rarely remember a meal when the phone didn’t ring in our house growing up and someone didn’t get up to answer it.  It speaks of what is more important: the person on the phone or those you are eating with.  There may be times when emergencies happen and you must do that – but I would say those are rare.  Parents: leave your phones in another room or turn them off.  Eat with your family: be all there.  If your children do have phones or other handheld media devices, have them turn them off or don’t allow them to interact with them during a meal time.

3.  Restaurants.  Last night my husband and I went to Carino’s for dinner.  We sat in the bar area and I sat facing the news channel.  They were focusing on a sex crime/murder trial.  I didn’t know anything about it but caught myself glancing up every now and then.  By the end of the meal I had mentioned it to Eric just as a way of soundbite.  It didn’t do anything to fuel our conversation, but sometimes it does.  If you are out with small children: go to a place without a tv or sit in a place where they can’t see it.   You usually have no control what is going to be shown and therefore can’t be on guard against what your children (or you) might see.  I often am saddened by couples or families that sit in almost silence at restaurants.  They rarely talk with each other and are instead engrossed in their phones or just staring at their meals.

4.  Use meal times strategically.  You can teach young children responsibility and what is important.  You can make meal times a priority for your family and a chance to have great conversation about their day and your day and what you read in the Word that day or use some books to fuel conversation.  Nancy Guthrie has a book on dinner table devotions that would be an excellent choice.  Eric and I use a grouping of memory verses to read and pray through before the meal.

Whatever you do, don’t let meal times be stolen away by society.  Use them for your family’s strength and God’s glory.

18 Apr 2013

Counseling with Hope

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“Hear my voice according to your steadfast love.” – Psalm 119.149a

This verse brought me much hope and rejoicing earlier this week.   But, how do we do this in our counseling of one another.

King David, the Psalmist, had written just verses before about a fervency in prayer – day and night.  In this verse he gives a clue as to why he liked to pray: he knows that God will answer him and hear his voice according to the LOVE and covenantal character of God.  He wouldn’t listen and judge according to our sins.

This should be how we counsel with others.  I’ve never had counseling training, so you may not think I know what I’m talking about, but I’ve been counseling girls (youth, college) and now women in mentoring relationships for about 20 years now.  And I’ve needed counseling before.  When I was in seminary, I can remember a conversation with a girl I’ve discipled through the years (now one of my dearest friends) where both of us had taken a spiritual gifts inventory and both completely failed on the mercy part.  But, years later, after living much more of life, we had grown in that area because of the mercy God had shown on us.

So, here are some tips for counseling, or listening, to others:

1.  Listen.  That doesn’t mean formulating thoughts while they are talking.  This is hard for me, even in marriage, but one I constantly need to work on.

2.  Offer grace and hope.  If we are to be little Christs, and we are often committed to be like God in his nature, than shouldn’t we start there?  That is one of the reasons I love reading Elyse Fitzpatrick’s books on counseling.  The person may be coming to you admitting their sins, or may need their sins pointed out – in a loving way.  Learn to realize the difference or pray that God would show you wisdom in each conversation.

3.  Deal with the sin at hand.  Make sure that confession and repentance and pleasing Christ is the focus and goal of the session.  There is a difference between just saying you are sorry or admitting your wrong and actually confessing it and wanting to repent of it.  Make that the aim.

4.  Center the counseling on our hope.  Every person’s hope is Christ and Christ alone.  If we don’t counsel well, it will hinder some from wanting to know more about Christ or ever finding hope in the Gospel.  They will think they will only find judgment in the Bible and at the cross.  Yes, God is a God of justice but His wrath for believers was covered by Jesus.

If I have had a chance to counsel with you and have not offered you mercy, please forgive me, I am a work in progress too!

Charles Bridges, a pastor of old, “And not less fully is my conviction of his judgment, in dealing wisely and tenderly with me, according to his infallible perception of my need.”

15 Apr 2013

Strike a Pose

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In a culture filled with twitter, Instagram, facebook, blogs, and other forms of social media, we are much more a visual culture then we were even 15 years ago.  People can take and immediately post pictures of everything: the food they eat, their babies playing or sleeping, and a group of friends at a push of a button on a phone.

In this world of visual demand, what does our body language say about our modesty and our hearts.  Modesty is more than what we wear, it is a posture of the heart.

Romans 6:13; Do not present your members (your body) to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine asked the question about why all the girls now pose in pictures with their hands on their hips.  I had grown tiresome of these similar poses, but couldn’t quite put my finger on it.  There were several answers and more questions in her FB feed.  Earlier this week as my husband and I were flipping through channels late at night, the answer became immediately clear.  We stopped on the last 10 minutes of America’s Next Top Model, the wanna-be model reality show hosted by Tyra Banks.  I used to watch this show every week, but just don’t anymore.  When the final contestants were chosen, they all pose in the same way: hands on the hips, and tilted somewhat sideways (usually not straight on because it’s not a flattering pose for most women), and chests out but tilted back.  This is a very provocative pose no matter what shape you are (or how much you weigh, or how many clothes you have on).  It highlights the God-given curves of females.  God did make our bodies the way they are: with chests and hips.  But, how we use them need to be for God’s glory.

Usually when we talk about modesty, we are referring to the length of our skirts, or the shirts we wear.  This post is more about our posture.  I’m not questioning any of the motives of the girls I know who are taking pictures like this, but just want to highlight some of what the outward appearance appears to say.

1.   Men are visual creatures.  They are drawn to the sexual – many of them are at least.  When we wear modest clothes, but stand in such a way that draws attention to our hips and our chest, or our butt (stiletto heels do just that, but also our stances), it doesn’t serve our brothers in Christ at all.

2.  Postures can say much about our hearts.  I can stand in such a way that says I’m not approachable, I don’t want to be here (the folding of arms, scowl on my face, etc).  What does what I’m doing or how I’m sitting or standing say to those around me?

This past week I was in a breakout session at a Christian conference, mostly men there.  There was a lady a few rows ahead of me with an almost sleeveless shirt on, arms folded behind her head, chest out, leaned back, playing with her hair.  She may have just been hot or bored, but it was distracting to me (her stance) and I’m sure it was also distracting in a more dangerous way to the men sitting around and behind her.  Was she aware of this?  I don’t know.  Just saying what her stance communicates.

If we want to stand like the Top Model models, then we communicate: look at me, here’s my body, look at these clothes.  If we want to stand in a flattering but different way, then maybe we could communicate what we want to communicate: gentleness and meekness, quietness, adorning of a beautiful spirit not clothes and curves (1 Peter 3)

A great resource that compares these two (Woman of the Word vs Woman of the world) is Mary Kassian’s Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild.

A great sermon to listen to on the Soul of Modesty is by CJ Mahaney – the best sermon I’ve ever heard on the subject.

4 Apr 2013

Sex Doesn’t Sell (or does it?)!

by | posted in: marriage, Uncategorized | 2

How would you answer that question?  Obviously, the conservative Kraft company (and hundreds of other companies that have products to sell: from coffee, to burgers, to car washes, deodorant, etc) think it does.

A new ad about the “Zesty” undressing dude making a salad gets “naked” to viewers to tell them to buy salad dressing.  Really?  This is supposed to make me want to run out and buy salad dressing?

Last night in a Colossians study at church, one of our elder’s wives taught on the sensuality of sin that we crave, and so many targets right now is in a thing called “mommy porn”.  I’ve written on 50 Shades of Gray, which is pretty much porn for women and other things on this blog before, but here we go again.  I wouldn’t have even known about the ad for Kraft lest I had been on facebook and several of my Christian friends had liked the ad.  Seriously?

Mommy porn, like this Kraft commercial, is targeted toward women who are at home with the television on or are on social media during the day.  ABC News even ran a segment on it this morning.  They think that if marketers can hit that spot in a woman’s brain (or hormones) that “turn them on” and help them to feel sexy, then they can sell their product.  They must think that it works (and for most women it probably does).

Does it seem to work for Christian women?  Do we allow ourselves to be blinded by targets of Satan (yes, that is what this is) by buying their products.  There are many products I’ve quit buying because of the premise that sex sells.  I’m disgusted by these commercials.  I went to ABC news to see the segment and turned this Zesty commercial off when he got to the “Beautiful pepper” part.  Who writes these things?

Anyway…

1.  Fill our minds.  You can’t separate yourself or your family completely from culture.  If you go anywhere these days you are bombarded with sex.  But, what do we saturate our minds with?  Is it the Word of God, wholesome books, images, good family value things?  Or is it sex and porn by either what we read or watch?

2.  Protect the marriage bed. I’ve been thinking a lot of this recently.  Some women, even Christian women I know, tend to think that porn will help spice up a dull marriage.  That is a lie from Satan too.  If you have to use other means of either viewing or reading to spice up your marriage, that is nor protecting the marriage bed.  That is going outside the boundaries that God set up for a marriage designed His way.

3. Honor Christ.  In Colossians, Paul tells us to walk worthy of the calling that is on our lives.  If we profess Christ, then we are to walk worthy of Him.  Do we?

Or do we give in to a culture that uses sex, and uses it well evidently, to sell you salad dressings and cheese?

3 Apr 2013

Habits of the Successful

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My husband and I sit down for dinner most nights and when we think about it (3-4 times a week) we read a Scripture verse together and then pray.  Last night we flipped to a new verse and he had me read it.

Funny part: I quickly read the address and thought it said John 1.8.  As I started reading I said to myself, boy, this sounds like it should be in the Old Testament!”  Go figure, it said Josh 1:8 instead.

“This book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it.  For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good succcess.” – Josh 1:8

In business, ministry, personal life, Christian walk, there is usually something written on how to succeed.  Just go look at any local bookstore and you will find more than you could possibly read on the subject.

So, here was the nation of Israel coming out of years of wandering, crossing into the land the God provided them, the death of their faithful leader was in their recent memory and a young guy comes to lead them.  Joshua was brave and faithful when others weren’t.  But, what does God tell him to do in order to be successful at all that may come his way (and the Israelites) as he led them?  DO NOT let the Word depart.  That means just what it means in Deut 6:4-9: think, read, say, do the Word ALL THE TIME.

Joshua needed to be successful.  God gave him the way to do it.  God had given His people His law and He demanded they keep it (and side note: since they couldn’t keep it, He had to make provision to by sending His Perfect Son who could keep the Law to be our perfect atoning sacrifice).

Anyway…

Success doesn’t come with making more money.  This isn’t the health, wealth, prosperity verse of the Old Testament.  If you take it with the rest of Scripture, you will find that even the faithful face many trials and even death (we all face death – but Jesus made death die).

Success doesn’t come with having a broader and bigger ministry.  God may give you success by being in your home with your children, writing for a few, or speaking to none, or maybe you will have the opportunity to speak to nations or write a best-seller.

Success doesn’t mean life is perfect.  As many successful people will say or at least the line of a Dan Seals country song “for everything you win there’s something lost”.  Success hurts some people.  Folks don’t know how to handle the success they are experiencing and some things (family, other relationships) completely fall apart.  I saw a preview for a new “reality” show where 3 successful, handsome, most of the time shirtless men are looking for love.  They are successful but still don’t have the love of their lives and think that a reality show is going to help find that for them.

God does promise (and He always keeps His promises) that we will have success in this life when we follow His rules.  He is the Governor of this world.  His success isn’t the same as our success.  But, I know I would rather have His success than my own!

2 Apr 2013

Family Ministry in the Real World

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People watching, I’ve loved to do it for a while.  What I’m seeking to do is not pass judgment (which is a constant Spirit work in my heart), but make observances.  I’ve been doing family ministry (or involved in it) for about 6 years now, so it always peaks my interest to see what I see.

I am sitting here today at my local sanctified chicken establishment.  Watching families as they eat lunch, use their technological devices, and play on the indoor playground.  Here are just a few glimpses into families in Little Rock.  I guarantee you can find families like this in your neck of the woods, and probably in your church as well.  More questions for that at the end.

1.  A Mom and teenage son and daughter arrive in a purple Escalade.  Mom didn’t say a word to either since they got out of the car.  Son has earbuds in his ear and hasn’t said a word since sitting down.  Daughter is struggling with her weight (like the rest of family) and is wearing VS Pink sweatpants.  Mom finally spoke – when her cell phone rang.  Other than that they are all not talking to each other and are all on their devices, whether texting or listening to music.

2.  A business Dad on his lunch break (has on bank nametag and in a business suit, so I’m making an assumption here), has a quick lunch break with his son.  They exchange a few words, then they depart after being here less than 15 minutes.

3.  A runner-Mom (attire fits the description) allows two toddlers to play in the playground while settling into a conversation on her phone while they play.

4.  A group of young moms sit together and chat while their children play on the indoor playground.  They seem like they are having fun and the kids are playing nicely together.

Here are just four snippets into American life as we know it.  Now, how does this apply to our churches and family ministry?

1.  Family Ministry isn’t perfect.  We can have the best parenting classes and programs, but our programs aren’t perfect nor our teachers – neither are the people in the class.  Sin has damaged every family since the beginning of time (see Genesis 1-4).

2.  Are we ready to ministry to dysfunctional families?  Rarely do you see intact families these days: one marriage, kids in the family.  Is that really typical?  Not anymore?  I’m not saying we need the 2.5 kids, white picket fence, and golden retriever, but how do you minister to families that don’t have it all together?

Answer: Prayer, biblical counseling, and coming alongside them – not just preaching at them.  Share your life with them.  If there is no Dad in the picture, Dads – be a Dad to those kids.  If a widow, then be the church and practice true religion by loving and serving them.

3.  How do our church members relate to those incoming families that may not look like everyone else?  Do our members or staff want to only ministry to the put-together families or do our members and leaders want to get our hands dirty.  I admit it is hard.  The family I grew up in is far from perfect.  There would be much I would want to change in my own family now as we raise our son.  But, ministering to families who are completely different than you is hard.  It takes faith and grace.

How does your church minister to families?  How are you reaching a familial society that doesn’t communicate and are seldom sitting down together to talk, eat, share a meal, or even play games or do an outdoor activity or trip together?