11 Dec 2013

Hello December 11: Developing Gratitude in your Children

by | posted in: parenting | 0

card

Or take one of the most popular fast food chains around, Chik-fil-A.  Every time you get something from there you are left with “My pleasure!”.  But, I know from personal experience sometimes the My Pleasure doesn’t come with a smile or even eye contact.

So, what are some ways we can instill this happy heart of reception into our children?

1.  Encourage them to say thank you when they receive something.

2.  Get them in the habit of writing thank you cards.  Even before they can write, you can have them draw pictures or color something to send in a thank you card.

3.  Say grace before each meal.  Not the trite prayers that we often say, but maybe before each meal ask them what they are thankful today.  Then, express that to the one who gives us all things by His good hand.

4.  Interest them in the Gospel.  Remind them that there is nothing they have that didn’t come from God and through Jesus Christ.  Philippians 4 and Romans 8 are great places to start, Psalm 96 – so many ways you can teach your children about this!

“But thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!”

Especially at the holiday time, both Thanksgiving and Christmas – with gifts and goodies constantly being given and received, teach them from a young age how to have a grateful heart!

5 Oct 2013

31Days (5): Study Christ

by | posted in: 31days, marriage, Uncategorized | 2

 

One of the pieces of advice I give new brides (or brides-to-be) is more than anything in marriage (from a human standpoint) – study your husband.  With all the marriage, sex, and relationship books out there, knowing what pleases your husband (and isn’t a sin) is a great thing that you can bring to the every day life!

Here are some things I know about my husband after 2 years of marriage:

1.  He doesn’t like clutter.

2.  He is a sharp dresser.

3.  He likes good shoes (think Johnston & Murphy).

4.  He is more of an introvert than I am.

5.  He loves Jesus and pursues the Word and the God who wrote it.

6.  He likes his sleep.

7.  He likes it when I put in my contacts instead of wearing my glasses.

Little things – right?  Right!  But, those 7 things may not apply to your husband.  That is why you have to know your husband. I was told so many different things about what men like when I was engaged.  I didn’t care and still don’t care what other men like.  There is only one man on this earth that I regard his opinion to the utmost: my husband.

Gloria Furman writes this in Glimpses of Grace:

“We ought to take pains to study Christ.  We study Christ because we’ve been saved for the purpose of being transformed into his image,

and in our beholding, the work of transformation occurs.”  (pg 68)

How do you study Christ?  The main way is to look at the Word of God – which all of it actually points to Christ.  We are reading The Jesus Storybook Bible to Little Buddy at night.  I love how she makes all the stories point to the Great Hero.  All of them, even OT ones.

How can you know what you are supposed to be looking like if you don’t know Christ?

How can we know Christ if we don’t study Christ?

2 Oct 2013

31 Days: Quotes (Day 2)

by | posted in: 31days, Books | 1

Rest in Him

Multi-tasking, calendars (whether electronic or the old fashioned way), waiting in lines, instant gratification…all of these things point to the business in our lives. This can also apply in a sense to our spiritual lives as well. One of my pastors used to say most religions are spelled DO while Christianity (life in Christ) is spelled DONE. What do you spend your time doing in order to earn God’s approval?

Today’s quote comes from an Elyse Fitzpatrick book I’ve been reading Comforts from Romans. Such hard truth to rest in as we persevere and live with joy this Christian life.

“Will you rest in the righteousness of God bestowed on you simply because you believe, or will you determine to try harder so that you can approve of yourself and earn God’s favor?”

“Return O my soul to your rest, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.”
Psalm 116.7

31days

1 Oct 2013

Competition Doesn’t Belong in Motherhood or the Gospel

by | posted in: mothering, parenting, Uncategorized | 1

Motherhood is a crazy race that many of us women run daily – with the bottles, diapers, car-pooling, homeschooling (if that’s your thing), soccer practice, ballet, etc. It is so easy for us to compare our lives with others and realize we either are better or that we don’t quite measure up. Here is a little bit of what I’m reading, listening to, and learning about this dangerous cycle.

I was reading this morning in Glimpses of Grace by Gloria Furman. My husband later asked me what I read in it that was encouraging me. I had to struggle not to compare myself with others or be sarcastic (which he appreciated) and I told him about these two dangers she points out:

1. I’m a terrible housewife (pg 31). Those days when I’m giving in to laziness, playing too many candy crush saga games, or right now when I have more legitimate excuses like contractions or exhaustion from being three weeks from my due date, I usually complain like this when the Mister arrives home: “I didn’t get this done. But, someone else would have had a 4 course meal on the table, all the laundry done, and the kids dressed in new outfits.” Or it would be something like, “Love, I’ve been exhausted all day – only one load of laundry got done.” My tendency is to compare myself with others when I want to hide my own sinful habits and ask for sympathy instead.

2. I’m an amazing housewife (pg 32). Honestly, I don’t fall into this category that much right now. Because I don’t have it down. I think this tendency will come when I lose this baby weight (from two back to back babies), have perfect stylish clothes on, have my schedule down, don’t cry very much, hormones are back to normal, and cook healthy foods for myself and others. But, I know so many others who do have this tendency. One of the ways I do see myself doing this is Sunday after Sunday I don’t ever see Little Mister’s nursery number put up on the screen. I seem to take pride in the fact that he is such a good toddler in the nursery.

Both of them are pride – and both have them need to be put to death by the blood of Jesus on the cross.

And here is where we fall short: not only do we compare ourselves with other moms, but we also compare ourselves in our place in the gospel story. That is how the connection came to me this morning. We often look at our lives and our homes/jobs/ministries and compare them with others and see that we don’t struggle with sin near as much as ______ does.

As I was driving to a park to walk this morning with Little Buddy, I replayed my friend Daniel Renstrom’s Amazing Love (on Jesus Wants My Heart, a stellar family worship album). Such a conviction of sin:

No condemnation now I dread

Jesus and all in Him is mine

Alive in Him, my living head

And clothed in righteousness divine

Bold I approach the eternal throne

And claim the crown through Christ my own

No matter the size of the crown that is mine when I get to heaven – it won’t be because of anything I’ve done. It will be because of the amazing love with Christ lavished on me. I didn’t (and still don’t) deserve anything of his merit or grace. He is gracious to me beyond anything I could ever do to deserve his love. I am in the same boat with all the people that I compare myself to.

As part of Mister’s prayer this morning as we started our day was a sweet sentiment of the love that Little Buddy will have for me as he gets older – that he won’t compare me with other moms, etc. I love that sentiment, but know that it is somewhat unrealistic. I compared my mom to other moms all the time – not that it was fair or right, but that’s what my sinful heart did. I pray that I can be the Mom that not only my two little buddy’s need – but one that will find my only boast in the Gospel of Jesus.

18 Apr 2013

Counseling with Hope

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“Hear my voice according to your steadfast love.” – Psalm 119.149a

This verse brought me much hope and rejoicing earlier this week.   But, how do we do this in our counseling of one another.

King David, the Psalmist, had written just verses before about a fervency in prayer – day and night.  In this verse he gives a clue as to why he liked to pray: he knows that God will answer him and hear his voice according to the LOVE and covenantal character of God.  He wouldn’t listen and judge according to our sins.

This should be how we counsel with others.  I’ve never had counseling training, so you may not think I know what I’m talking about, but I’ve been counseling girls (youth, college) and now women in mentoring relationships for about 20 years now.  And I’ve needed counseling before.  When I was in seminary, I can remember a conversation with a girl I’ve discipled through the years (now one of my dearest friends) where both of us had taken a spiritual gifts inventory and both completely failed on the mercy part.  But, years later, after living much more of life, we had grown in that area because of the mercy God had shown on us.

So, here are some tips for counseling, or listening, to others:

1.  Listen.  That doesn’t mean formulating thoughts while they are talking.  This is hard for me, even in marriage, but one I constantly need to work on.

2.  Offer grace and hope.  If we are to be little Christs, and we are often committed to be like God in his nature, than shouldn’t we start there?  That is one of the reasons I love reading Elyse Fitzpatrick’s books on counseling.  The person may be coming to you admitting their sins, or may need their sins pointed out – in a loving way.  Learn to realize the difference or pray that God would show you wisdom in each conversation.

3.  Deal with the sin at hand.  Make sure that confession and repentance and pleasing Christ is the focus and goal of the session.  There is a difference between just saying you are sorry or admitting your wrong and actually confessing it and wanting to repent of it.  Make that the aim.

4.  Center the counseling on our hope.  Every person’s hope is Christ and Christ alone.  If we don’t counsel well, it will hinder some from wanting to know more about Christ or ever finding hope in the Gospel.  They will think they will only find judgment in the Bible and at the cross.  Yes, God is a God of justice but His wrath for believers was covered by Jesus.

If I have had a chance to counsel with you and have not offered you mercy, please forgive me, I am a work in progress too!

Charles Bridges, a pastor of old, “And not less fully is my conviction of his judgment, in dealing wisely and tenderly with me, according to his infallible perception of my need.”

12 Apr 2013

Seeing Ourselves in the Face of Kermit Gosnell

by | posted in: ethics, World Events | 2

Yesterday, my husband, son, and I had the pleasure of seeing our next child on a television screen (an ultrasound machine).  Waving arms, moving head, kicking feet, beating heart.  These things told us this little baby was alive and well.  But, we also know that this little baby is a gift of God and life is precious.  There is no way that we would ever intentionally hurt this baby.

The reports of Gosnell, the abortion doctor in Pennsylvania, doesn’t seem to have the same regard for the human life.  I’ll spare you on the details, but they are gruesome and horrendous.  If you haven’t read any of the reports, trust me on that one.  I’ve read half an article and my husband stopped me this morning, “why are you reading this” – tears flowed as I started talking about it, wondering how anyone could do this to helpless babies or women.

But, I’m not here to point fingers at Gosnell.  He has done wrong.  He will either trust the Gospel on this earth or face the judgment and wrath of God in the next life.  That is for certain.  The wrath of God goes out to those who aren’t under the salvation of Jesus Christ.

However, we are in the same boat.  So many times we can cry over the sin of Gosnell or point fingers or call him a sinner, but how often do we look at ourselves and say the same thing.  The sin that we have committed and will commit is also under the need of the blood of Christ.  Just this week let me tell you the sins that I’ve committed: anger, pride, contempt, argumentativeness, the “silent treatment”, impatience, idolatry, gluttony, and probably many more.  Why aren’t I weeping over my sing –  more often then not I justify it?  Do I really think that those sins are also in need of repentance and the gospel?

So before we go pointing fingers at the hideous, inhumane actions of Gosnell, let us also remember the truth of Romans when Paul says:

“All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)

And let us also remember our Hope:

“And are justified by His grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 3:24)

18 Jul 2012

Gospel, Tears, and Oatmeal

by | posted in: random | 1

You would think that a long (11+ hours) night of sleep would help with my emotionalness in the morning, but not today.  And by the time I finished my bowl of peaches and cream oatmeal, there were tears flowing into it.

Tears – why tears?  After thinking about it, I chalk up to sin and the flesh and trying to outdo the gospel.  Two sins that reigned supreme in my life as a single was independence and control.  I was the only person really calling shots in my life so I controlled my scheduled, my checkbook, my evenings.  It was rather nice.  But, it didn’t help me as I prepared to be married.

Now that I am married and definitely not in control of much (and I am so glad I don’t have to be and that is not the role that God created me for), I find there are still times I struggle with wanting to fix everything.  Funny – that is usually the male role in the relationship – being the fixer.  No, but I strive for it.

And I realize, on mornings like this, that when I strive to fix things that are clearly out of my control or realm of responsibility as the wife in this marriage, I have shortchanged the gospel and made myself God.  This is definitely not the place I need to be. 

When we put ourselves as the fixers or try to usurp our roles, we say that we don’t need God or the gospel.  God has the supreme control and authority in our lives.  He is the reigning King.  And not just over the things that we “give” him – but over everything.  Sometimes, most of the time, we have to pry our grimy and greedy little fingers off of God’s possessions.  They are not ours. 

When we come to know more of our weakness and more of His greatness (John 3:30), then we will come to live in right relationship to the gospel and our famous God.  We won’t want to be in control of everything and we will be ok when we can’t fix everything in our lives – or anyone else’s. 

And that’s the perfect place to be.

15 Dec 2011

Book Review: Broken-Down House (Paul Tripp)

by | posted in: Books, Uncategorized | 0

Paul Tripp is decidedly one of my favorite authors.  Tackling real-life issues and problems and matching them to the gospel – that is where he finds the rest and help that we need as sinners living in a fallen world.  His books are always “ouch” and “amen” to quote Voddie Baucham.

A friend, Bonnie, and I have been reading this book together this year.  It has been a little slower since I got married and she started dating, but now we are neighbors, so I’m hoping our book club continues.  We read a couple of chapters then come together and talk about it: how it applies to our lives, our relationships, and the ministries we are involved in.  Oh, Bonnie B, what will we read next?

PDT doesn’t mince words: he tells us we live in a fallen world full of sin.  But, even as believers, we need and have the remedy.  Jesus and the Gospel.

One of the perks to PDT books is you get just a hint of his poetry.  Such a winner. 

So, how do you live life in a fallen world?  How do you deal with issues in your life that are a result of sin (because sin damages the entire world, not just your life).  Death is in this world – that is a fact.  But, Jesus has overcome death and has brought us life.  We can live differently and with hope because we know this truth.

“At every point and every moment, your life is messier and more complicated than it really ought to be because everything is so much more difficult in such a terribly broken world.” (pg 17)

“Your Lord is the ultimate Restorer and He never rests.  He calls you and me to live in this broken-down house with hearts of patience and eyes of promise.  He calls us away from self-focused survival and to the hard work of restoration.  He calls us away from paralyzing discouragement and the nagging desire to quite.  He welcomes us to live in the patience and grace that only He can give.” (pg 21)

“There will be a war in your heart between what the Bible has to say about you and what you would like to think is true about you.” (pg 36). I often say to my husband, “my heart is ugly.”  He has asked me to quit saying that or at least finish the statement:  “but Jesus bought and paid for it anyway and is making it new.”

“Forgiveness, Christ’s gift to us, means that we can stand before God in all of our neediness, weakness, and moral failure and yet be utterly unafraid.  Sinful people can stand before a holy God because Jesus took the penalty for our sin on Himself and satisfied the Father’s anger.” (pg 45).  We talked about this at our breakfast table as we read in Is 53 part of the Advent story.  The mystery and wonder and astonishment that substitutionary atonement of Christ for us is.  Amazing.

“I am not to think of my life as separate from ministry, nor am I to think of ministry as separate from my life. I am to give myself to a way of living that views every dimension of human life as a forum for ministry.  I don’t live with a willingness to occasionally minister.  I am not open to ministry opportunities.  No, I commit myself to live with a ministry mentality where my actions, reactions, and responses are more shaped by a desire to be a part of what God is doing on earth than to fulfill my personal wants and needs.” (pg 94)  This should change our mindset as wives and see our home life (and taking care and loving our husbands) as ministry, and not see what we do as unimportant.  

“in calling us to wait, God is freeing us from the claustrophobic confines of our own little kingdoms of one and drawing us into a greater allegiance to His Kingdom of glory and grace.” (pg 117)

“Pursue community.  It can only happen when we are living in functional, biblical community with people who will again and again remind us of who we are.  I need people in my life who will lovingly hold the mirror of the Word of God in front of me so that I can see how deep my struggle with sin still is.  I need people who will confront my timidity and avoidance with the comforting, encouraging, embolderning realities of faith.” (pg 159).  Thankful for girl friends, pastor friends, and my husband who do this for me.

 

 

8 Dec 2011

Book Review: Note To Self (Joe Thorn)

by | posted in: Books | 0

“Like the Israel of old, you tend to forget the most basic things.  Important thigns.  You need constant reminders, and what you have been gleaning from others is not enough.  You need to find ways to remind yourself about the things that matter, because when you aren’t intentionally setting the truth before yourself you forget.” (pg 135)

If you have ever heard the term “preach the gospel to yourself!”, made popular by people like Lloyd-Jones, Jerry Bridges, and CJ Mahaney – here is a how-to book.  I love Joe’s simple truths, yet ones that we need to hear every day.

He has given us 48 “sermons” that we can preach to ourselves.  They each take about 3 minutes to read – so its a perfect addition to your daily quiet time. 

Be compelled to start taking the Word that you are reading and putting it into practice in your daily life: life with children, life with your husband, life in the workplace or in your home community group.  Apply it to the areas of your personal life where you are struggling, apply it to the areas of life where you are winning!

God’s Word is applicable to every part of your life – not just the Sunday morning corporate worship time.  After finishing Joe’s book – write your own Note To Self book (this is what I’m doing for a friend as a gift).  Use can use personal verses that mean a lot to you and write them down, stick it in your purse or in your car – so you can read it often.

“God’s face shines on you when you are learning – experientially – His Word.  This means His favor and blessing are upon you, and that you have sweet communion with Him through Scripture, but only when you receive it for what it is; God’s life-giving Word meant to be believer, received, and obeyed – not only dissected.” (pg 130)

Here are just some of the “mini-sermons” that I liked from Joe:

“Thankfulness is the joyful and humble response of a heart that has been transformed by grace.” (pg 43)

“Small Jesus does not inspire awe, command respect, lead to worship, or compel us to talk of him (much less suffer for him).  And small Jesus is too little to arrest the attention of the world.” (pg 48)

“You have to make the most, not just of the day as a whole, but of all the parts that make up the day.” (pg 90) – This is helping me be like some other women I know who are industrious and not wasters of time.  I don’t do this perfectly, but God is working grace in me in this area.  Thankful.

“Stop thinking so small when it comes to teh church gathering for worship.  It is for God’s pleasure, your good, and the health of your church.  Prepare for such a meeting with God today, and worship out loud with your brothers and sisters.” (pg 116)

“You should be seeking God for wisdom and strength in the midst of your calling, whether that is in the home, at the office, or in the garage.” (pg 118)

 

20 May 2011

Book Review: Give Them Grace: Elyse Fitzpatrick

by | posted in: Books | 2

Top 3 parenting books: EVER.  Give Them Grace.

You don’t even need to be a parent to sit and just drink in the focus on grace in this book by Elyse and her daughter.  I finished it being encouraged in my personal life and also more to want to be a parent one day and how hard that task is going to be!

Elyse focuses on grace: that undeserved richness that God has given to us through Christ by His life, death, resurrection, and glorification.  All He has we have: His righteousness and holiness.  How important it is that we live in this reality – in our daily lives and men and women, and also in how we parent. 

Elyse is doctrinal and theological in this book: but she also gives you very practical conversations, prayers you can pray for your children.  One of the conversations I heard recently while attending a parenting seminar was “who really thinks of these things in the heat of disciplining your child – when they are throwing a temper tantrum?”  That is true – but that is where grace first needs to be applied to your life as a parent – to my life.  Then to our kids’ lives!  Even in the heat of the moment when they are screaming because they didn’t get to play the last game on the Wii.

I underlined so much in this book: but I’ll just pick out the good ones.

“Every way we try to make our kids good that isn’t rooted in the good news of the life, death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus Christ is damnable, crushing, despair-breeding, Pharisee-producing law.” – pg 36

“Every responsible parent wants obedient children.  But if we’re confused about their ability to be good, we’ll end up lying to them about their desperate lostness outside of Christ.  We’ll tell tehm they are good and that they can obey God’s law.” – pg 47

“Yes, God commands us to train our children, but care needs to be taken that this training doesn’t morph into something more important to us than God Himself.” – pg 56

“The humility that acquiesces to being led, managed, and trained flows out of an understanding of one’s own lostness and a growing understanding of and trust in God’s great offer of life.  Only the good news of the gospel produces a truly submissive humility of heart.” – pg 86 – I thought this also applied to work relationships and marriage relationships.  Really any relationship: if we choose to live our Philippians 2.

“Management charts may help you run the home more smoothly.  They may also become your god.  Management is simply your effort to control outward behavior.  It is not meant to get to the heart, although a child’s obedience to the outward rules may be evidences of faith.  Every parent has to manage her child’s behavior.” – pg 89 – What is your end goal in your home management?

Anyway…you get the drift.  Elyse does a great job at engaging her readers and pointing them to the Son. 

So, for every parent, person in ministry who works with parents, people who might be parents one day, people who just like kids – or anyone who knows parents or kids.  I think that is everyone! 🙂  Go buy this book when it comes out! 

Thanks Elyse and Crossway!