Coffee with…Tricia Goyer

posted in: Coffee with... | 2

Panera is good for lots of things: food, writing, second office, and meeting new friends.  Today: it was a bit of all four!

I was introduced to Tricia before I moved to Little Rock and I knew I wanted to meet her.  She is a few years ahead of me in life and many years ahead of me in writing and motherhood.  She was a blessing to sit down with and learn how she got started and what her life is like.  With these pictures and short interview: I hope you will feel like you joined us at our table at Panera.

1.  What is your greatest joy as a Mom?  Snuggling and reading books.  It is one of my favorite times of the day!

2.  When did you start writing?  When I was a stay-at-home-mommy at the age of 22.  A friend was working on a novel and I realized it was something I could do at home.  I went to my first writer’s conference in California in 1994.  I love the friends I met there and the community I still have with them today.

3.  What is your favorite menu item at Panera?  Broccoli-cheddar soup.  I have to find a healthy(ier) item to balance it out.  The seasonal pumpkin muffins are wonderful!

4.  What is your favorite book you have written?  Night Song was my second novel.  It was set in my favorite country: the Czech Republic during WWII.  It is about a 13-year old boy.  I cried while writing it.  I haven’t read it since it was written in 1994.  I hope I still like it 🙂

5.  What is the Scripture that has been encouraging to you this week?  “If we humble ourselves, He will lift us up.”  Coming back from Allume, I was so blessed by all the women I met, such a community, such a blessing.  I in turn want to help people all the time.

And today, Tricia, you were.  Thanks for helping me network, encouraging me as a mom and writer, and for having lunch! 

You can read all of Tricia’s books: fiction, non-fiction, devotional.  Check out her blog and find her on facebook and twitter.

My Son’s Love for my JCrew Peep Toe Heels – the Art of Gender Bending and Parenting

posted in: parenting | 1

I have a pair of shoes that I love.  Found them at a consignment shop in Belmon, NC – a pair of JCrew Zebra peep toe 3 inch heels.  They are fabulous.  Heels are amazing and so are flats – gorgeous shoes that make any outfit.  What about the lipstick I just found in a perfect shade of purple or that great gray knit clutch I have that goes well with any outfit I have on – any time of the year?

Should be there some boundaries in what I allow my son to wear/try on?

Read this article in Parenting magazine.  I couldn’t believe it.

“Picture this: you are a single mother raising a son. You walk into your 4-year-old’s room and find him wearing his sister’s tutu and his face smeared with lipstick.  What do you do:

A.  Get on the phone with your pediatrician, sure that the lack of a male role model at home has caused irreparable harm

B.  Tell him peach is more his color and grab your tube of Coral Sea

C.  Shrug and reach for the wet wipes.

Parenting Answer: You are a fine parent if you do any of the above.  Children from single parent homes are always experimenting with perceived ideas about gender. 

This article frustrated me so much.  Really…here are my thoughts.

1.  God made you the parent to help shape your son or daughter into who they are going to be.  That is a significant role.  And I don’t think it is right for a boy to dress up in girly fashion, try on lipstick, or really, play with barbie dolls.  I think boys struggle with their identity as it is.  Just like girls do.  But, fathers – step up and be a good positive manly role model for your son – starting before he is even born.  Women – teach your daughter how to be feminine even when she is a baby.  You have this charge!  God created each of us male and female.  We display the glory of God by being who God created us to be.

2.  If you are a single Mom – see if there are dads in your local congregation that you can ask to help show your son what it means to be a strong man of God.  Ask the children’s pastor or youth pastor if there is someone he would recommend.  Single Dads – do the same thing – but with a godly woman (aunt, sister) who might mentor your daughter on what it means to be feminine.

3.  Don’t feel like a failure.  If I catch baby trying on my heels or lipstick.  I may laugh then tell him that those are not things that he is to wear.  Then I’ll go grab his daddy’s cologne and spray it on him, put a tie around his neck, or maybe put his ball cap on his tiny little head.  Much grace is needed in parenting – we don’t need gender bending. 

I’m not talking about teaching your son how to cook or make a bed, or teaching your daughter how to change the oil in her car.  These are life skills that each person needs (and I still don’t know how to change the oil in my car).  I’m talking about gender-specific activities or apparel.  Lipstick, dresses, soldier play, guns, etc. 

The one part I liked about the Parenting article: “Parents are a key influence!”  Will you be an influence for biblical masculinity and femininity – that hopefully will give them rich insights into the Gospel of Jesus Christ – or will you allow you children to determine their “preference” in who they want to be.

Photo: These aren’t the shoes I’m referring to in the post, but aren’t they gorgous.  I saw them in an NYC store front while we were on our honeymoon.  Fab.U.Lous!

Two books to recommend on this topic: Boyhood and Beyond by Bob Schulz and Girl Talk by The Mahaney Family and this link by Randy Stinson

 

That’s My Job

posted in: Bible, mothering, parenting | 0

Conway Twitty.  I remember riding in the car blaring 97 Country or sitting in our trailer on the Suwannee listening to him.  His voice is unmistakable.  One of my favorite songs by him is “That’s My Job” about a dad to a son.  I woke up singing it this morning and then as I was quoting it to the hubs this morning over breakfast, tears flowed.  I knew what the post would be today.

I woke up cryin’ late at night when I was very young
I had dreamed my father had passed away and gone
my world revolved around him I couldn’t lie there anymore
so I made my way down the mirrored hall and tapped upon his door
And I said Daddy I’m so afraid how will I go on with you gone that way
Don’t wanna cry anymore so may I stay with you and he said

Chorus:
That’s my job
that’s what I do
everything I do is because of you to keep you safe with me
that’s my job you see

Later we barely got along this teenage boy and he
most of the fights it seems were over different dreams we each held for me
he wanted knowledge and learning
I wanted to fly out west
said I could make it out there if I just had the fare
I got half will you loan me the rest
and I said Daddy I’m so afraid there’s no guarentee in the plans I’ve made
and if I should fail who will pay my way back home
and he said

::CHORUS::

Every person carves his spot and fills the hole with light
and I pray some day I might light as bright as he

I woke up early one bright fall day to spread the tragic news
after all my travels I settled down within a mile or two
I make my living with words and rhyme and all this tragedy
should go into my head and out instead as bits of poetry
but I say Daddy I’m so afraid how will I go on with you gone this way
how can I come up with a song to say I love you

That’s my job
that’s what I do
everything I do is because of you to keep you safe with me
that’s my job you see

My friend, Lara, posted a convicting blog the other day about our job as parents.  So, that is where I want to take this post:

The Bible has much to say about what our jobs are as parents.  As E and I have both celebrated our first “Day” now and we get closer and closer to the birth of our son, we are only beginning to realize the burden and responsibility (and joy) that it is to raise a son in light of the Gospel.

Here are some Scriptures that remind us of what our job is as parents:

Colossians 3:21

Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Psalm 78:1-11

Proverbs 22:6

Of course, these are just some of the MANY that tells us what we are to do with our children, for our children.  But, no where in the Bible does God, our Father, tell us to SAVE our children.  We cannot.  The job of our child’s salvation is not ours.  The role of salvation in our children is directed by the Holy Spirit.  When we get overwhelmed with the responsibility of making sure our children follow Christ one day, all we can do is:

Pray.  Lead.  Guide.  Teach.  Train. 

Let’s obey what God has told us to do and leave the worrying, fretting, and salvation regeneration to the only One who is able to do so.

Culture, Family Worship, and Legalism

posted in: Bible, mothering, Worship | 0

The following quote is taken from the 1689 London Baptist Confession:

And verily there is one spring and cause of the decay of religion in our day which we cannot but touch upon and earnestly urge a redress of, and that is the neglect of the worship of God in families by those to whom the charge and conduct of them is committed. May not the gross ignorance and instability of many, with the profaneness of others, be justly charged upon their parents and masters, who have not trained them up in the way wherein they ought to walk when they were young, but have neglected those frequent and solemn commands which the Lord hath laid upon them, so to catechise and instruct them that their tender years might be seasoned with the knowledge of the truth of God as revealed in the Scriptures; and also by their own omission of prayer and other duties of religion of their families, together with the ill example of their loose conversation, having, inured them first to a neglect and the contempt of all piety and religion? We know this will not excuse the blindness and wickedness of any, but certainly it will fall heavy upon those that have been thus the occasion thereof; they indeed die in their sins, but will not their blood be required of those under whose care they were, who yet permitted them to go on without warning – yea, led them into the paths of destruction? And will not the diligence of Christians with respect to the discharge of these duties in ages past rise up in judgment against and condemn many of those who would be esteemed such now?

Breakdown of the family unit in today’s society is something that not only Christians and churches worry about, but for many reasons politicians and sociologists are concerned with it as well.  However, this isn’t just a problem that plagues our society today.  It is a problem that for over 300 years church leaders have seen as something that needs to be addressed.
I live in a part of town that is known for some crime and general “lolly gagging” by people of all ages.  This part of town is also known for single-parent homes or absent parents altogether.  Latch key syndrome.  Yes, this is definitely a problem and the breakdown of the family has been at least one cause, if not the leading cause, of the rise in crime among teenagers/college students. The trend continues.
I think another danger that we have to be careful of is a type of legalism.  I was watching a video the other day that showed four youth getting baptized.  All of them said something like this: “My parents raised me in a Christian home and we read the Bible, did Christian things, etc.  But, it wasn’t until later that I accepted Christ.”
The Psalms and Proverbs talk much about delighting in the Word, meditating on the Word, etc.  Deuteronomy 6 tells fathers to talk about the Word every chance you get – teaching it to your children.  It is something we are commanded to do as parents.  It is our main responsibility.  But, we are parents cannot assume that our church going and Bible reading is going to save our children.
1.  Shepherd your children.  By leading home worship you are doing this very thing.  Home Worship doesn’t need to be long and complex.  Some ways my husband and I started doing it when we were engaged were praying together at night and reading a Bible verse at meal times.  We look forward to continuing and building upon that when Baby Campbell arrives.  If you have someone who can sing or play an instrument (or a YouTube video), incorporate singing into your home worship routine.  Make sure the Word and the Gospel are intrigal parts of your time together and that you do it.  It doesn’t have to be done every day, but some sort of schedule will help you keep doing it – habit, right?
2.  Home Worship can’t save your children.  In Elyse Fitzpatrick’s book Give Them Grace, she talks about rule following that would lead your children to be better Pharisees (in a negative light) than Christ-followers.  The heart of your children need to be changed by a gracious God.  We can’t save our children by doing more and better home worship, or demanding their obedience, or regulating their wardrobe, iPod playlist, or friends.  We can give them the Word and pray for their salvation, showing them much grace and forgiveness as they are coming up in our homes.
Grace and discipline.  The two go together in this thinking of home worship.  We need to have discipline to do home worship with family members and show the Word of God as a permanent and prominent fixture in our home.  One of the ways we are doing that as we prepare for Baby Campbell’s arrival is by adorning the nursery walls with Scripture.  We also must rely on grace.  We can’t possibly adhere to the true gospel and think that by us doing family worship, even every night of the week, will gain us (or our children) an audience and relationship with God – we can’t have that apart from Christ.  The Gospel is D-O-N-E not D-O.
“As the years go by, more and more we realize that if our children turn out right, it is only because of amazing grace.” – Joel Beeke, Parenting by God’s Promises

Book Review: Loving the Little Years

posted in: Books, mothering | 2

Raves: that is all I have ever heard about this book.  And in some ways, I think those are correct.

And in some ways, I think those raves fail.

Where this book is strong is in its every day ideas for parenting of multiple small children.  Jankovic’s experiences she shares with her readers bring them many practical steps for raising children that are great with their siblings.  I would love to pick this book up when I’m facing difficult challenges when parenting goes awry.  She offers great biblical advice for mothers who are in need of direction of how to set their children on the right path.  As some of my friends have said, you will want to read this at least once a year. 

Another aspect of this book that I love is short chapters. She definitely knows and identifies with her main audience here: mothers who don’t have a lot of time to themselves.  As most mothers will testify to – quiet time is scarce: sometimes stuck between nap times or when you are taking a shower, or drying your hair (especially on those days when you actually get a shower).  These chapters are short and practical and funny and down-to-earth. You will want to read it time and time again. 

Here is where this book fails for me:

1.  Although she is most definitely a Christian and writes from a biblical perspective, a gospel perspective, there are maybe a handful of Scripture references in the book.  With all of her references to the gospel, to obedience, to the Law – there are many opportunities for her to direct her readers to Scripture, and the sufficiency of it for our parenting.  Instead, we mostly just have her experience, which is great – but I want to base my parenting on the Word and see what of the Bible I can bring to Baby’s life and mind – and point him to the source.  Also, if I want to share this book with other parents, or a neighborhood small group of moms (made up of Christians and non-Christians) they see good kids are the outcome, but not necessasrily gospel-centered children who see Christ in their parent’s parenting.

2.  There are very few mentions of how the Dad plays a role in the parenting.  If you take this book and Gospel-Powered Parenting and combine them – then you would have one that reaches both parents because it would speak to the joint effort of parenting with the spiritual leading of the Dad as the head of the home.   One may be too Dad-based and one (this one) may not have enough Dad in it.  I know she is writing to moms who are “stuck” in the house all day with children (and by stuck I’m not being sarcastic or rude, God allows our role to be in the home and we have the ministry of running our home and raising our children).  But, I do believe Dads need to have more of a hand in the parenting that happens in the house.  Even though he may be gone all day, I want my husband to be an integral part on our baby’s life and heart. 

All that being said, here are some of my favorite quotes:

“Christian childrearing is a pastoral pursuit, not an organizational challenge.” – pg 50

“It is not about ignoring the sin, it is about renewing the fellowship.” – pg 76

“When you have disciplined, there should be a restoration of fellowship.” – pg 86

I know, who am I to talk, I’m not a “real” parent yet – I’m not having to make disciplining decisions on the spot and dealing with 3 children tugging at my skirt and flinging flour all over the kitchen or one who has a diaper blowout.  But, I hope to apply some of these great tips that she has offered and hopefully employ my husband’s help and his kindness and grace tied with the hope of the Word of God.

Noel Piper on Children in Worship

posted in: Quotes, Uncategorized | 2

This post received feedback.  I took all into consideration, however, still did not change my mind.  Reading Noel Piper this morning, I was again strengthened as to the teaching of the Word on this subject.

“This brings up the need to train young children to sit through church services.  I started easing mine into the habit when they were about three.  That meant sitting on the end of an out-of-the-way-pew so we could slip out if we needed to.  We knew that the best way for a child to learn how to worship is to see Mom and Dad worshiping.  we wanted our children to be part of the whole congregation as soon as they and we could manage it.  Yes, it’s different for different children.  And yes, Mom’s and Dad’s worship is pretty distracted for a while.  But that’s what parents do: we live a less-than-ideal (by some standards) life for a few years so we can bring our children up to be adults with us.”

Noel Piper, Treasuring God in Our Traditions, pg 45

Piper on Teaching Children

posted in: Books, Quotes | 0

Ok – I don’t have children (yet) but I write for children (and for teachers who teach children.  And some of those teachers are parents.)

“All of us are training our children both intentionally and unintentionally.  We need to make sure we aren’t leaving the important things to happenstance.  We know it’s crucial that they become familiar with God, our Heirloom and our only hope for real life.  We yearn for them to love and trust and follow Christ.  It would be foolish just to wait for them to learn that by chance.  We must plan to reflect God and teach about Christ in the repeated events of our lives.”

(Noel Piper, Treasuring God in our Traditions, pg 35)

EC and I practice things now that hopefully, one day, when our family grows, they will be able to follow us as we follow Christ, however imperfectly.  New Elder nomations last night at church were asked about this question.  Each answered sufficiently and were very emphatic that families are important in teaching Christ in the lives of children.

Book Review: Give Them Grace: Elyse Fitzpatrick

posted in: Books | 2

Top 3 parenting books: EVER.  Give Them Grace.

You don’t even need to be a parent to sit and just drink in the focus on grace in this book by Elyse and her daughter.  I finished it being encouraged in my personal life and also more to want to be a parent one day and how hard that task is going to be!

Elyse focuses on grace: that undeserved richness that God has given to us through Christ by His life, death, resurrection, and glorification.  All He has we have: His righteousness and holiness.  How important it is that we live in this reality – in our daily lives and men and women, and also in how we parent. 

Elyse is doctrinal and theological in this book: but she also gives you very practical conversations, prayers you can pray for your children.  One of the conversations I heard recently while attending a parenting seminar was “who really thinks of these things in the heat of disciplining your child – when they are throwing a temper tantrum?”  That is true – but that is where grace first needs to be applied to your life as a parent – to my life.  Then to our kids’ lives!  Even in the heat of the moment when they are screaming because they didn’t get to play the last game on the Wii.

I underlined so much in this book: but I’ll just pick out the good ones.

“Every way we try to make our kids good that isn’t rooted in the good news of the life, death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus Christ is damnable, crushing, despair-breeding, Pharisee-producing law.” – pg 36

“Every responsible parent wants obedient children.  But if we’re confused about their ability to be good, we’ll end up lying to them about their desperate lostness outside of Christ.  We’ll tell tehm they are good and that they can obey God’s law.” – pg 47

“Yes, God commands us to train our children, but care needs to be taken that this training doesn’t morph into something more important to us than God Himself.” – pg 56

“The humility that acquiesces to being led, managed, and trained flows out of an understanding of one’s own lostness and a growing understanding of and trust in God’s great offer of life.  Only the good news of the gospel produces a truly submissive humility of heart.” – pg 86 – I thought this also applied to work relationships and marriage relationships.  Really any relationship: if we choose to live our Philippians 2.

“Management charts may help you run the home more smoothly.  They may also become your god.  Management is simply your effort to control outward behavior.  It is not meant to get to the heart, although a child’s obedience to the outward rules may be evidences of faith.  Every parent has to manage her child’s behavior.” – pg 89 – What is your end goal in your home management?

Anyway…you get the drift.  Elyse does a great job at engaging her readers and pointing them to the Son. 

So, for every parent, person in ministry who works with parents, people who might be parents one day, people who just like kids – or anyone who knows parents or kids.  I think that is everyone! 🙂  Go buy this book when it comes out! 

Thanks Elyse and Crossway!

Book Review and Giveaway: Read and Share Bible (Thomas Nelson)

posted in: Bible, Books | 5

The kind folks at Thomas Nelson Publishers recently contacted me about doing a book review on their Read and Share Bible and gave me one to giveaway to one of my readers.  So, to be elegible for this giveaway, just leave a comment about one amazing thing you do in your family worship or children’s worship at church to get the Bible into your children’s hearts.  These comments alone will be a blessing to me in the ministry I’m involved in.

I have to say there is one children’s Bible out there that I use as a plumb line for all others.  Unfortunately, this one doesn’t match up, but it does have some great qualities.  Here are the impressive traits about this children’s Bible:

1.  The amount of stories.  Some children’s Bible only has the “popular” stories or ones that are often told.  This Bible has over 200 stories retold by Gwen Ellis.

2.  I love the user-friendliness of this Bible.  There is a table of contents (including topics, Scripture passages, and page number).  Ok, I know this may not sound like much.  But, I find it difficult in other children’s Bibles to find the story corresponding to the passage in the “real” Bible.

3.  At the end of every story, there is a question.  So what?  This is a helpful tool for parents as they take the leadership in their children’s lives as their primary discipler.  Some parents have no clue what it means to teach their children about worship and Jesus.  Maybe they didn’t grow up in a home with Christian parents who led in family worship?  Maybe they are new believers who don’t know what that might look like.  Thankful these questions are there so parents can have a helpful resource for starting conversations with their children about what it means to treasure Christ.

So, what are your tips for getting the Word in the lives and hearts of children?  Leave your comment and I’ll choose a winner and send out the Bible on Tuesday, January 11th.

Thanks Thomas Nelson!

Best of 2010: Books I Read

posted in: Books | 8

“Read or get out of the ministry” was a quote a I learned when I started seminary at SEBTS 11 years ago this month.  Yes, I do like to read, but I’m not a fast reader.  Love actual books – not electronic reading.  Love a pen in hand, book in hand, maybe a drink in hand – its a good life!  I read 28 books in 2010.  My goal for 2011 is 52.  We’ll see.  Goals are goals.  They take work.  Here are some of my favorites:

1.  Mudhouse Sabbath: Lauren Winners.  Thanks to Janel for introducing me to this book.  Great Christian look at her Jewish upbringing and how she can still live the traditions and laws under the new grace of Jesus.

2.  What is the Gospel? by Greg Gilbert.  The coolest thing about this little book is that Greg, and his wife, Moriah, live out what he wrote in this helpful book.  Always a winner.

3.  Counsel from the Cross by Elyse Fitzpatrick.  So nourishing for the soul and especially to have walked through it over breakfasts with Becca.

4.  Girls Gone Wise by Mary Kassian.  Biblical truths for living out God’s Word in today’s world.

5.  Big Truths for Young Hearts by Bruce Ware.  Especially if you are a parent, or new in your faith – ok, everyone.  You need to read this book.  Theology 101 – or 99 – or 50. 

6.  Surprised by Grace by Tullian.  Meaningful commentary and life application on the book of Jonah.  You’ll never read Jonah the same again.

7.  Radical by David Platt.  I know this will be in almost everyone’s top 10 for 2010.  But, what are you going to do with what you read?

What are your reading goals for 2011?  What are your favorite books?  Do you have favorite authors?  What are you reading right now?